Haute Couture- Meeting Myself Part 1

I’m currently in a creative coaching certification course and we’re going through a meditation course that was created to help you “meet” different versions of yourself so that you gain perspective on challenges you’re facing right now because these “versions” of yourself have already solved whatever worry it is. When I first started this section of the program I wasn’t sure how I was going to like it. But now having gone through it, I’ve met such amazing and unique versions of myself that have given me nuggets of knowledge and insight I’m immensely grateful for now. This is why I decided to share my journey on this blog. I’ll be going through each of the aspects of me that I reached through these meditations.

||| You can check out the painting & meditation course here.

Through the first guided meditation, I was met with a version of myself whom I had actually seen in recent a dream I had. We were in a downtown setting, outside next to some big fancy skyscrapers. I see myself standing there, wearing very sleek black clothing that fits her perfectly.

Dripping with a high fashion, haute couture air to her.

Straight, blonde, medium-length hair that looked naturally highlighted. I’m standing there with her (me), and am just in awe of her composure and calmness, she looked so put together and refined.

I’m just so in love with this version of myself. When I was little I was obsessed with high fashion. I’d save up my allowance to buy the new copies of vogue, imagining myself as not only a model getting to be photographed but also the designer of the beautiful clothing. I’d make sketches of different outfits I’d think up. I had so much fun with it. But this side of me was tamped down over the years.

On a family road trip, one of my brothers asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I confidently said “a model” just to be met with laughter and ridicule. I was 8 years old and I think that was the beginning of shutting that side of myself down. So all that to say, I was really happy to meet a version of myself that showed off that high fashion look I longed for since being a little girl.

And she loves me too and I just knew it. She’s so happy to see me and grateful that I’ve come to her for support. The feeling of reassurance she gave me is hard to put into words but here’s some of the encouragement I got from her:

“Keep working”

“Stay the course”

“Stay patient”

And as she says, “Receive the diamonds and rubies meant for you”, she reaches out her hands to me. Full of diamonds and rubies sparkling in the light that is coming through the leaves of the tree above us. I’m in awe of their shine. “They’re yours, meant for you”, she says to me as I reach my hands out to her. I don’t feel worthy of these riches but I trust her that if she’s giving them to me, I more than deserve it.

As I reflect on my experience, I’m starting to see how, throughout my life, I’ve been disconnecting from this aspect of myself. Another thing that discouraged me to grow the love of fashion that little me had, was my body. I did not have that model body type you see in all magazines, on all the runways. Although I saw beauty in my high cheekbones and plunging clavicles that you see in fashion so often, I thought I wasn’t tall enough and my thick thighs weighed me down. I would wish and pray to god that I could wake up with long skinny legs with a gap between my thighs. I thought that because I didn’t look like them, I couldn’t be in the world of fashion. And that stereotype was pushed everywhere in movies and shows like America’s Next Top Model or Project Runway. I let it put me down, instead of pushing forward.

I’m grateful now that when I flip through a vogue (I bought one for the first time in probably 15 years), there’s more representation of different body types and skin colors. I know that doesn’t mean the fashion industry’s day-to-day isn’t rife with this old dogma, but it makes me happy to know young girls might not have the same discouragement I felt back in the day.

I was browsing through Unsplash looking for some fashion inspiration for this post and now even if I don’t look like these women, I am in a place where I can enjoy it without the comparison.